Why Courtship?

9:13 AM


In recent years, courtship has come under heavy attack. You say courtship in a room of conservative Christians these days, and battle lines are drawn. Some see it as a system that is horrific and archaic while others see it as a godly approach to finding a spouse. Let us understand a few things about courtship:

~ There are different type,s so the word can mean different things to different people.
~ The Bible has some principles, but doesn’t talk a lot about the method for finding a spouse.
~ There are stories and scriptures to prove both sides of the argument.

With these things in mind, why did I and my family choose courtship? As I mentioned, there are different definitions of courtship, so here is mine:

A parent involved way of exploring a relationship with a prospective spouse. It also assumes, from the beginning, that a person is a possible spouse and romantic relationships are not just for fun. It also is the belief that such relationships should start out based in friendship and deep understanding, not feelings or physical touch.

The outworking of this will look different for each of my siblings. In fact, my sister Rose has had a couple of relationships. Neither worked out, but both ended because she decided it wouldn’t work out. One of them she had talk to my dad first, the other didn’t. It varies with each sibling and with each relationship that happens. I want a huge amout of parent involvement when my time comes, and some of my siblings want less. However, I think no matter what you choose to call it, having involvement from someone older and wiser than you is important when picking a spouse.

The American culture touts being independent, self-sufficient, and so smart we don’t need anyone else. The Bible says just this opposite. It calls for us to be dependent on God, to seek others' advice, and to recognize that we do not have a corner on wisdom (please, don’t take my word for it, read for yourself.) When it comes to finding a spouse, our culture says it is your own business and you are wise enough, yet to me it is clear that God never meant us to make major decision without not only seeking His counsel, but that of from those who are wiser than us.

Some of us are fortunate enough to have parents we love, trust and respect. As I am one of those people, I have chosen courtship. For those who for one reason or another do not feel comfortable with this option, seeking an older couple who can help guide the relationship and give advice is a wise step.

Does seeking counsel, or courtship offer protection against a broken heart and disappointment? Perhaps a little, but it is far from a guarantee. Feelings are still hurt, hopes are still dashed, and hearts can be broken. No method offers complete protection for these things (anyone who tells you otherwise is probably selling something). However, it is my firm belief that many long term heartaches will and can be avoided by listening to wiser voices than my own, and not entering into relationships in a careless manner.

There is a lot more I could say about this topic, but I think this is enough for now. Join me next week as I explore another topic that has been controversial of late: modesty.

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2 comments

  1. Thanks for this post! I've always thought courtship was a little odd, and I was never sure what I would do if someone asked me out (which hasn't happened yet :P). But from your definition it seems like what I want to happen - my parents involved, and starting out as a friendship. Great post!

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  2. I agree with you completely. In today's culture, so many girls get hurt time and time again dating this guy and that guy. And with no purpose; they're trying to find their own worth through 'having a boyfriend'.

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