Episode #24: The Weekly Mercies of Pam Ellis

 I walked around the fabric aisle and waited for inspiration to strike. I had decided that what I needed was a project that would take me more than a week to finish. One that would keep me busy for a while. Sewing on a quilt seemed like a good idea.

I sipped my iced tea and was grateful for the gift card I had received as an early birthday gift. It would help me with this expensive undertaking.

I wandered away from the fabric and over the magazines to look for inspiration. And there it was. A quilt on the cover of one of them. It had bold prints bordered with black fabric. While the quilt they showed was rather hideous, I knew exactly what I would do. I flipped open the magazine and they had details of how much fabric you needed for what size bed and they had some alternate versions on the quilt. I smiled as I spotted one that was forest animal themed with a green broader.

I returned to the fabric. I browsed and finally decided I would make a girly quilt. I picked up a rose-patterned quilt and some pinks and greens that went with it. I decided to border these with white. I selected a white with a pattern in a slightly different shade of white. It would be beautiful.

 

“I love what you picked out!” Ivy enthused as she watched me cut the fabric into squares as she worked on cutting out a craft for the kids she nannied

I smiled. “Thank you!”

Meg looked up from her mending. “It’s going to be a lot of work.”

I didn’t take my eyes off cutting another square of fabric. “I know, that’s why I chose a simple pattern. I’ve made a quilt before. This one just squares and strips.”

“Well, I think it’s a great idea.” Ivy fingered the pink fabric with lace printed on it. “Maybe we could make a quilt for my bed too.”

I smiled at her. “I think that would be fun. You want a quilt to, Meg?”

She snorted. “I’ll wait to see if you finish this one and the one for Ivy before I put in an order.”

I exchanged a smile with Ivy. “I think Meg doubts my ability to complete this project.”

Meg’s smile appeared. “I don’t doubt your ability, just the time.”

I sighed as I thought of the hours of work and how the emotional toll of our parents living apart had sapped so much of my energy. But I wanted to do this. I wanted to push past the depressed feeling and to do something that was beautiful and good. I wanted to truly surrender the future to God.

“Can we go pick out fabrics for mine?” Ivy asked. “I think I want one with purple fabrics.”

I loved her enthusiasm and I need to do more to be happy things with my siblings that was happy and fun.

The boys entered the living room. “We were going to watch a movie. Is that okay?” Asa looked at the quilting project, Ivy’s paper pieces, and Megs pile of clothes.

“I wouldn’t mind watching a movie while I work,” Meg said.

Ivy sighed. “I’m supposed to do something every day with the kids between now and the 4^th of July to talk about the importance of American Independence. How much is a three-year-old going to get? But at least these Pilgrims will be fun for them to glue together.”

I nodded. “I’ll watch as long as it’s a happy movie.”

Asa tried to keep a straight face but failed. “Like that funny movie where the dog dies?”

We all laughed.

 

Sunday afternoon was quiet. Asa and Ben were out with friends, Ivy was taking a nap, and Meg and Mom sat reading. I laid out the pieces of my quilt, proud of all I had accomplished. Over the course of the week, I had nearly finished the top. I just had one more seam to finish. Of course, finishing the top didn’t mean that I was done with the quilt, but it was something.

Not only that, there was something about putting together that felt as if I was stitching part of myself back together. But it wasn’t me doing the stitching. I had never quite understood why fasting was such a big deal, but now I understand how it caused desperation in your soul. I had come to the end of me and realized that God was all I needed.

I ran my hand over a slight imperfection in my quilt. While I wanted to make everything perfect, I knew it wouldn’t be. Not in my quilt and not in my life. Yet, God was making something wonderful with my life and with the lives of others. I had to surrender to Him. A simple answer, perhaps, but one I needed to remember.

I finished the last seam and folded the quilt top up and placed it in the corner. I would work on finishing it next week. I grabbed my current book, a re-reading of Little Men and then I paused.

In the corner where I had shoved it, lay my canvas bag with my mercies notebook and joy list I hadn’t even looked at.

I took a deep breath and withdrew the notebook. I paged through many of the items I had written down. I pulled out a pen and turned to a blank page.

God’s mercy: He is merciful when I want to give up.

God’s mercy: He pursues me when I am running away

God’s mercy: He created fasting to drive us towards Him

God’s mercy: I am finding peace in surrender and hope in letting go

Weekly Mercy: God is stitching my back together.