Episode #26: The Weekly Mercies of Pam Ellis

I glanced up at the recipe again. Yes, it really did call for that much butter. I plunked the butter into the pan and then chopped the raw chicken into pieces.

“Something smells…different.”

I smiled at Ivy. “Well, I decided this week I would make up food from another country. I’m making up food from India. I’m going to make naan bread, rice, and buttered chicken.”

Ivy wrinkled her nose when she smelled the spice mix. “Are you sure this will taste good?”

I shook my head. “Nope. I’ve never had Indian food and I’ve never tried to make it. We will find out if it’s any good. Would you like to try this?” I held out my cup.

She eyed it suspiciously and didn’t take it. “What is it?”

“It’s a drink I found. It’s ice, yogurt, mango, and a little bit of Cardamon. It’s pretty good. It’s called Mango Lassi.”

She shook her head. “No thank you.”

I turned back to the recipe and continued to work. I knew Ivy didn’t like new things. “Don’t worry, I got a pizza in the freezer if you don’t like this.”

Ivy hugged me as I added in the spices. “You didn’t have to do that. I could have eaten leftovers.”

“I know, but I figured that if I was going to experiment if no one liked it, there should be an alternative.”

“What smells so good?” Ben said, entering the kitchen.

I smiled and pointed. “Indian food. I hope.”

 

“Everyone loved it!” I said as I sipped the vanilla iced tea.

Joan smiled back. “It sounds like a lovely time.”

I nodded. “It was the best time we’ve had since…” I swallowed. I didn’t want to say the word, but I forced myself to take a deep breath and say it anyway: “Since Dad moved out for a time.”

Joan nodded. “And how are you doing with that?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Mom seems to be doing better, so I guess the distance has been a good thing, but it still feels sad. I want to support my parents in what they feel like they need, but it’s hard not to see what it’s costing us. And by us, I really mean me. I hate the idea of ending up as part of a statistic.”

Joan looked down at her tea. “So, your biggest fear is of being part of static? Of looking bad?”

I thought for a moment. Was that what I was afraid of? Slowly I shook my head. “I’m afraid of losing my family.”

Joan nodded.

I cocked my head. “Is there something that I should be afraid of more?”

Joan reached out a hand and placed it on my arm. “The loss of a stable home is one of the hardest challenges a woman can face, no matter her age. I’m not telling you what to feel or not feel. I do want to encourage you with this: how can you encourage yourself and those around you to bring the gospel into this situation?”

I swallowed. I didn’t want to discount what Joan was saying but it was just words. I had heard the phrase a lot, but it felt so meaningless. Did that make me a bad Christian?

Joan wrapped both her hands around her cup. “Let me put it another way. What questions can you ask yourself, and you family members, to take their attention off of what is wrong, and turn their attention to what God might want to use this situation to accomplish?”

I stared off into the bookshop. That was better, but I still didn’t know if I knew a good answer. I took a deep breath and turned back to Joan. “I’m not sure. I’m discouraged. I wonder if God wants good things for my family as much as I want them. I feel guilty for saying that but that’s what I feel like some days.”

“But you know that’s not the truth, right?”

I nodded but then I bit my lip. Did I really? Did I believe in my heart of hearts that God wanted my family restored? I took a deep breath. Yes, I did know God wanted to redeem this for His glory. I also know it might not happen that way.

I cleared my throat. “I guess sometimes it’s just as scary to hope as it is to face a loss. I’ve faced a lot of disappointment this year.” I swallowed back a lump as I thought of the day I had fasted and prayed. Could I trust God with my heart, even if it broke again? Again, in my hear,t I told God yes, that I surrendered my future to Him.

Joan smiled at me. “And I would encourage you to keep reminding yourself, and your family, to combat the lies the enemy tries to plant in our minds. God is capable of redeeming this. He loves everyone involved in this more than you can imagine. He came to bring life to those dead in sin. And God’s life-giving power is far more powerful than the death sin can bring.”

I nodded. I took a deep breath. “I need be reminded.”

Joan laughed. “We all need to be reminded. We are forgetful. That’s why we need people around us who will remind us of the truth.”

 

As I ate the leftovers of the Indian food, I pulled out some sticky notes. I put a few reminders I needed to combat the lies in my head and put them on the wall. I nodded.

Weekly Mercies:

Joan

Indian food

God’s mercy toward me when I’m forgetful.