Thank you. Thank you for reading my blog, for supporting my writing, for the comments telling me how you are feeling. I am so grateful for each and every one of you.
I've been thinking a lot the last couple of days about thankfulness. I have so much to be greatful for.

• My family
• Amazing food
• A wonderful church
• Godly friends who love and support me
• So many positive results from my stories
• Access to hundreds and thousands of good books
• Hope for the future
• Strength for the day
• The privilege of being able to work with so many amazing people on a group
• Purpose in everything
• A phone that is helping me to do things with my left hand (like this post)
• God's amazing grace.

Hey I just wanted to pop over real quick and share the sermon that meant so much to me.

I cried in church today.

That might not sound like a big deal, but it is for me. You see, I almost never cry in public. The last time I cried in church was in my teens, and even then, I went running out to our family van.

It hasn't been the easiest week for me. I've been frustrated, a lot of emotional lows, and broke down when Mom told me, in very loving way, I needed to stop denying how hard and discouraging it was for me not to be able to write. I broke down crying in her arms. I finally let myself deal with the things I had been shoving down, trying to be brave and see God's best.

I feel useless.

I feel angry.

I feel weak.

I'm so tired.

The ugliest truth? While I shoved it away anytime it popped in my mind, I couldn't escape the fact that I felt like God was being kind of mean. Why would He take away my ability to write - which I feel is my purpose - without giving me something else? I mean have I done something wrong? Is there some great sin in my life that the things nearest to my heart are sliding through my fingers? Why does that person have published books, a husband and kids, and I'm stripped of my ability to write and am still single?

I know, pretty ugly thinking, right? Which is why I had tried to focus on what good might come out of it. But I finally broke down and had to deal with those thoughts head-on. I had to admit I wasn't handling all this time well. I cried on my Mom's shoulder on Thursday and did the same thing on Friday to a friend. Saturday, I was tired of feeling and sorting things out and kept busy in my room most of the day.

I got up Sunday with a minor headache. Part of me almost hoped that it would get worse so I could stay home. However, the medicine kicked in and I sat down in church.

I groaned inside as Pastor Jon opened to 1 Samual 14 and started talking about Jonathan's bold move to take on the Philistines. I was too weak, to empty to hear how I needed to be bold and face my enemy. Instead, the pastor went in a totally different direction, he started painting a picture of the place the Israelite army found themselves. Let me give you a brief summary.

• They were literally between two cliffs, with the enemy uphill (Johnathan had to climb on his hands and knees to come op to the enemy).
• They were outnumbered - 600 of them, 6,000 of the enemy
• Some of their fellow Israelites had joined the enemy
• Many of the Israelites had fled to hide in the hills
• Saul obviously had no clue what was going on (he had no idea his son was missing)
• The priest with them was from a family God had cut off

I'm still not sure why God allowed this to happen. I still am struggling with accepting and finding what I'm supposed to do with my time. I'm struggling to remember that I shouldn't write a whole blog post in one sitting. (I need to go put ice on my arm). But I do know that:

• I have been broken, and God will piece me together
• I'm so very, very weak, but God has unlimited strength
• God has not, and will not abandon me
• I'm blessed with family, friends, and pastors that will remind of the truth.
• I really do need to stop typing and get that ice pack

On this blog, I use the tag Where Destiny Takes You for posts. Mostly, I use them for when God is redirecting my life. This last month, I've become aware that God's plans - His destiny for my life - is once again is different than my plans.

As many of you know, I had to take a lot of time off this summer due to a tendon injury. Six weeks with very little writing was hard. I was very excited when it healed and I could get back to writing. This fall has been jammed back getting Kate's Christmas and A Very Bookish Christmas ready for publication. In October, my arm started hurting again. I ignored it until I knew that I couldn't unless I wanted the horrible pain to come back. I canceled my plans to do NaNo and started looking hard at next year.

Writing is something that isn't a chore for me. I love it. It spills out of me and is my therapy, my happy place, and my tears all in one. But, it seems that I'm going to have to take a step back for a while and give my arm a few months to heal.

While this is hard for me on one hand, I'm also excited to see what God is going to do through this time. The next few months, I'm going to study, pick up some old hobbies, hang out with friends, and work on marketing the books I already have.

I would ask for your prayers because this isn't an easy journey for me. However, I hope to bring you with me on this journey. I mean, we all encounter times when all our plans get thrown out the window. but God has better plans for us. Even if we know that fact, it doesn't make it easy, so let's journey together.