My first book is about to turn eight years old. It's hard to believe. It has a lot of flaws. I learned a lot since publishing it and hope to have it edited professionally, fix a couple of issues and revamp the cover sometime soon. However, it still has a very special place in my heart. Today, I've been thinking a lot about Maria at the end of that book. I've been thinking about her thoughts on destiny from all the books. Why? That's a really good question.

I've been praying a lot lately for wisdom. It seemed like there were a lot of little decisions that I needed to make. I've felt I couldn't balance all the demands on my time. I was contemplating quitting one of my outside jobs so I would have more time to write. I was praying and this morning, God answered in a way I didn't expect.

Our fridge broke.

I know, earth-shattering, right? Well, this is on top of a lot of other expenses that our family is facing. I found out that one of my jobs will allow me to work some extra hours and suddenly, everything became very clear: For this season, I need to take the extra hours and set aside my writing. No, I'm not giving it up. I'll still work on it some. However, for now, it's going to take a back seat.

This wasn't the answer I wanted. However, this is my answers and that peace that surpasses all understanding has filled my heart. I don't understand where this turn in destiny is taking me, but I know that God does. He knows the destiny He has for me.

With that said, I probably won't be blogging much or sending out weekly author newsletters, for this time and season.

While I won't be online as much. I'll be around. I'm so grateful for every hour God has provided for me to write and I know He will continue to provide a time where I can. I know that this is only the beginning of my continuing destiny.

This is something I wrote a while back and I'm sharing it in honor of all my single friends who single during this Valentine's season.

Strong is a title I’ve been given a lot over the years. In fact, some people assumed I didn’t care about some of the things that happened to me because I presented what, to them, seemed like a strong exterior. Right now, I’m not feeling very strong.

I had a rough week. Maybe you did too. I’m in another wedding, watching happy couples all around, and many of my friends have little ones. When did that happen? What happened to all my single friends? Oh, right, they got married. I know,  a few of us who still remain single but our numbers are dwindling and we feel more alone with each passing year.

I feel more alone.

It’s been a year since I wrote a post about how this struggle with singleness hit me hard. Far from getting easier, the battle seems to be growing stronger. I mean, really, hormones rage sometimes. I look at all the people who’ve decided as they’ve gotten older that they can’t wait for Mr. Right anymore and the settle for Mr. Okay or Mr. Not-So-Great. Or they toss their faith and morals and get satisfaction in temporary ways. It may be easy to judge them but most of us who are very honest with ourselves can understand a little. I battle my own mind and where it wants to go. I struggle with my own emotions, urges, and desires.

I for one know I’m not strong enough to keep fighting this battle. I get war-weary. I get tired of the battle in myself. I get tired of fighting to protect how it wants to affect my relationship with others. I just want to surrender. Why? Because I’m not strong enough.

I’m not strong enough, but God is.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 NIV

It seems to me, Paul was much in the same boat. He was dealing with something that was too big for him to handle. He was pleading, begging, God to take it away. He didn’t get the answer he wanted, but he was given an amazing promise, one we can hold on to. God’s grace, not our own strength, is sufficient. Even bigger? God’s power is made perfect in our weakness.

In a world that pretty much doesn’t know how to handle anyone who isn’t in a relationship and is choosing to *gasp* wait on God’s timing, I stand out. I’m here, like Paul, to say I’m weak. I’m not strong enough to deal with being single. I’m not strong enough fight all the temptations that come at me. I’m not strong enough to keep discouragement at bay. I’m not, but God is.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:7-9