.jpg)
Welcome to episode 2 of The Weekly Mercies of Pam Ellis! I love writing these episodes and I can't wait to share more!
Make sure you sign up for my newsletter. Tomorrow (January 7th) I'm sending out some fun free goodies inspired by this story, deals, and a giveaway!
I had made a list. I was good at making lists. I liked
making lists. That and planners, which is why I ended up accidentally with
two planners this year and couldn’t decide which layout I liked better.
But I’m interrupting myself. My list.
This was a list of things I wanted to do to reclaim my joy.
After all, the last year had been full of dark days, darker nights, and fighting
to keep my head above water, so to speak. I was ready to get back to enjoying
life.
I took a deep breath and looked at my closet, then I forced
myself to set aside the list on the pretty sheets of stationery. It was one
thing to make a list, but it was another thing to do it. I planned to start
with what I had put at the top of the list.
I dug into the deepest recesses of my closet and pulled out
the candle-making kit I had been given at Christmas a year ago. I had been so
excited to get this kit from Jessie. Making candles had been a dream. Lavender
and vanilla scent oils had been included. These would smell amazing.
I swallowed as I pulled out each item, memories assaulting
me of the day I had called my friend, Jessie, because I was going to use it. I
had planned on making a candle for myself and one for her. I would ship it to
her the very next day.
The phone had gone quiet.
“Pam, we need to talk. I was hoping we wouldn’t have to
have this discussion…”
What had followed was an hour-long trade of the ways I had
failed Jessie. I had hurt her without realizing it and she had kept it to
herself. She was angry and nothing I said, none of my apologies made it any
better.
“I don’t think I can do this,” I whispered the words as
tears pricked my eyes. This kit had been given to me by a friend who wasn’t in
my life anymore. Maybe I should give this kit to someone at church or the
thrift store.
My eyes were absently roving the room and they landed on my
new notebook. I reached for it and opened to the first page. I had already listed
some of God’s mercies. I ran my hand over the words already printed.
Thank you for Your
mercy in making me Your child
Today, I saw God’s
mercy reflected in a stranger, who was so understanding when we accidentally
sold a book we were supposed to be holding for them. They could have so easily
been angry.
Mercy: My family
loving me on my bad days.
Clearly, I hadn’t come up with a consistent way to record
the mercies of God I saw around me. I looked back at the candle-making kit. An
odd sensation built inside of me, one that over the months of trying to make
things right for Jessie hadn’t often inspired in me.
I was angry.
I was angry a person I called a friend had pushed me out of
her life because she had chosen not to forgive me. I was angry that even now,
she was poisoning something I wanted and loved because her memory tainted it.
Because you are letting it.
The truth slammed into me. I often felt as if God whispered
into my heart but this felt like it was shouted into my mind.
The tears stopped.
I was done. I was done letting Jessie steal from me. I would
always miss her. I would always pray that somehow, some way, our friendship
would be restored. Last year, she had taken hours of my time as I tried to do
everything she asked of me to restore our relationship. I had prayed and spent
hours before God, asking Him to help me be a better friend. And it hadn’t
worked. She had left, leaving me devastated.
But I was done letting her take from me. I would make these
candles and I would try to enjoy it. I would gain back my hope
I read the instructions with the kit. I went into the
kitchen, passing where my parents were both busy on their computers and two of
my siblings were on the couch talking about their jobs.
I went into the kitchen and started a pot of water. I poured
the whole one-pound bag of wax into the metal pitcher. I followed the directions
carefully. I let the wax melt, cool down just a touch and added the lavender
and vanilla scent. It smelled heavenly.
I realized I hadn’t prepped the containers so I rushed to
put the wicks in place and then poured the wax into the glass
I stepped back. I had made candles. I smiled and stared at the
wax, slowly cooling.
A tear slid down my cheek and brushed it away. This time, it
was from relief. I had used the kit and made something beautiful. I marched into my room and added the words to
the mercies journal.
Even things that start
with pain can be redeemed by God’s mercy.
I took a deep breath and I felt like it was the first full
breath I had taken in ages. I couldn’t wait to see what God had in store next.
