Four years ago on February 6th, 2021, Scott told me he loved me and wanted to pursue a serious relationship. We always try to commemorate the day in a special way. We enjoyed three days and two nights away this year, a much-needed break. We've both been busy working on various tasks and it was nice to enjoy some quiet time together, good food, and hiking. 

We stayed at a cabin at Lake Brownwood State Park, which is special to us. We stayed here for our first anniversary and for my birthday in 2023. We were so happy to be back. This was the first time we had spent much time exploring the town of Brownwood. We enjoyed a fabulous bookstore and a local steak place.

The next day, we enjoyed going to a new-to-us State Park: Abilene. 

Scott made an amazing dinner for us that evening and we enjoyed an evening hike at Lake Brownwood.

On our last day, we returned to Colorado Bend State Park. We had been here once before and adored it. It was a strenuous hike that felt amazing. We saw a cave opening, returned to the Gorman Falls, and enjoyed scenic views.

I am so grateful for this time together to enjoy some hiking and time together. Where has been your favorite place to hike?

Do you like novellas? I really enjoy them and I'm spending this month sharing about some of my favorites on my social media accounts. But why do I like them so much?

1. They are the perfect length for busy weeks.

While I adore longer novels, sometimes being able to read a complete story that still has plenty of substance to them that short stories often lack.

2. They come in such fun sizes.

Many of the novellas I've read/own are much smaller than a regular novel, which is just fun, or the perfect feel for a sick day.

3. They make for tight storytelling

As both a writer and a reader, I have found shorter lengths can help force tight storytelling. I've found this to be both fun and a challenge. How do you convey all the emotion and story but with fewer words?

4. Novella series can feel like TV episodes, only better

Series like The Accidental Cases of Emily Abbot are quick reads that feel like fun TV episodes but still have the depth of the reading experience. AKA, my brain doesn't turn off like it does for movies.

5. They can help you meet your reading goals

If I'm falling behind in my reading goal, I like to read a couple of novellas to get me back on track. And in December, there are a lot of Christmas novellas to help me with the last push to make my reading goal for the year.

Why do you like novellas?

Crystal and I had texted every day. She had asked a couple of questions about what had happened with Jessie. When I told her I didn’t think I should share anymore to keep from gossiping, she respected it. As it was, I was worried I had shared too much. If Jessie returned to my life, would I regret what I had shared?

As I looked over the bookstore, I didn’t think I would ever regret breaking down in front of Crystal. It had been healing and had encouraged my heart. I smiled at the homeschool group sprawled over our couches and chairs near the tea area, many of them with beverages I had prepared, going over Little Women. I continued to cut apart the Valentine-themed bookmarks.

I should reread that one at some point. Right now, I was rereading The Happy Hollisters at Sea Gull Beach. It had been my favorite as a child. I had worn out a copy. Perhaps because there was a girl named Pam, but I also loved the treasure-hunting aspect.

Jared stepped into my field of vision, carrying a box of teas. I reached for it but he pulled it away. “Would you please make some suitably soothing tea for Lacie? She’s dealing with morning sickness, but won’t stop working.” He sighed as he glanced toward the backroom. “That woman is so stubborn.”

I smothered a smile and nodded. “I’d be happy to make her some tea.”

Jared nodded and moved toward the tea counter and then turned back. “Please don’t tell her I asked you to do it.”

I nodded and moved with him. I kept out of the way with his restocking while I took a teabag with lavender and mint and dropped it into one of the mugs. I poured steaming water over it and walked back toward the back room.

Lacie stood amid some signage advertising our book club program and our upcoming calendar. She looked exhausted and kept pausing and putting a hand to her mouth. Not a good sign.

“I brought you something.” I held out the mug.

She crossed her arms and stared at the mug like I might be giving her something lethal. “Jared told you I was falling apart, didn’t he?”

I shook my head. “No. He told me you were dealing with morning sickness and would I please make you tea and not tell you he had asked.”

Her irritation slid away and a laugh burst forth. “But you just told me.”

“I thought it was the safer option.”

Lacie let out a long sigh and took the mug. She plopped down on the floor. “He told me I shouldn’t come today and work, but I was determined.” A tear slipped down her face. “I love this place. Just because I have another baby on the way, I don’t to lose what I love.”

I dropped beside her. “Maybe you shouldn’t look at it as you are losing the store, but just in a season where it is wise to accept some help and slow down.”

And the same goes for you.

The words in my head made me swallow. One of the things on my list was to seek out a mentor who would help me navigate things or possibly a counselor if I didn’t feel I could share with anyone in my church. When I had written it on the list, it had seemed so easy. But it was hard to do.

“You’re right. I should have let Jared come, do the work, and then take me to dinner.”

I glanced around at the signs and the boxes that needed to be sorted onto the stocking shelves. “Why don’t you have him take you to lunch and let me do this work today. I know it will put me into overtime, but let me do it for you this once.”

“Yes, let’s pay her and get out of here,” Jared spoke up from the doorway. “And there is a customer at the counter who needs tea if you can, Pam.”

I nodded and left and smiled as I caught a loving look between Lacie and Jared. They were the best.

I swallowed back my fear and I walked up to Joan, one of the sweetest ladies in our church. I cleared my throat.

She turned and smiled. “Pam? How are you?”

I decided that now was a good time to start with perfect honesty. “It’s…last year was rough and has left me feeling like I’m falling apart. I was hoping…I thought maybe…” I mentally shook myself and forced out the words. “I would like you to mentor me and maybe see if we could sort some things out.”

Her smile softened and she reached out a hand and touched my shoulder. “Would you like to go to lunch today?”

“Today?” I nearly choked on the words. For some reason, I thought she would plan for us to get together in a month or so.

Don’t miss what God might have for you here.

“I don’t have anything, but I came in the car with my family. So…”

She waved her hand. “I’ll drop you by your house. Let me go tell Fred he should go with the pastor’s family to the BBQ place he loves.”

I watched her walk away and prayed that I would be able to do this.

I guess I had expected lawyer-like examinations and propping questions and for mentoring to be…well painful. Joan made the lunch a wonderful time. She asked me to tell me about my childhood, my family, and my job. She was so kind and interested in me.

When I touched on some of the things I had dealt with the year before she didn’t prob for details, but asked me how I was coping.

“I…Some times are better than others.” I told her all about my mercies notebook and all the things I was doing each week to bring out joy again.

She nodded and took a sip of the hot tea she had ordered after her meal. “It sounds like you are off to a good start. Tell me, how are you renewing your mind though? It sounds like a lot of lies and doubts were poured into you. What are you doing to replace it with the truth?”

I hung my head. “I haven’t been doing well with my bible reading or…anything. I have felt so overwhelmed.”

She nodded.

I mentally braced myself for the lecture.

“I know how that is. I remember going through about three months after my youngest got her cancer diagnosis where I read my bible and it felt like it did nothing to me. All these people talked about times of trial being sweet times with Jesus and I was so dry.”

Well, I hadn’t prepared for this response. “Really? How did you deal with that?”

She smiled like she had a secret. “I kept showing up. One day, I still remember I opened the bible and I read the verse about not growing weary of doing good for in due season you’ll reap a harvest. I cried. For the first time in months, I felt something. For about two weeks after that, it felt like every time I opened the Bible, something wonderful would leap off the page.” She reached across the table and put her wrinkled hand over mine. “Be faithful. Keep doing good.”

I swallowed back my emotion and nodded. I didn’t have words, but I would hold on to hers.

When I reached home, I grabbed my mercies notebook and jotted down from an overflowing heart.

Mercies this week:

God’s faithfulness, even when I am not

Joan’s gentle and humble words

God’s word

I spent several of my early years in a church that sang old hymns. I adored the songs and many of them continue to bless me.

This is one about God's love that I loved singing as a child and still love it.

Photos from the month:

Books I Read

Becoming Elisabeth Elliot by Ellen Vaughn Audiobook

The Outdoor Girls of Deepdale by Laura Lee Hope Kindle

When Christians Disagree by Tim Cooper Audiobook

A New Name by Grace Livingston Hill Paperback

Names of God by Nathan Stone Paperback

The Trial by Charlotte Mary Yonge Kindle

Jesus, the One and Only Beth Moore Kindle

Watermelon Days and Firefly Nights by Annette Smith Kindle

Angels in the Snow Melody Carlson Hardback

Worship is This by Heather Bixler Kindle

The Grace and Truth Paradox by Randy Alcorn Hardback

Being Elisabeth Elliot by Ellen Vaughn Audiobook

Coming Through the Rye by Grace Livingston Hill Paperback

Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis Audiobook

Writing goals met:

Kate's Truth off to the editor ✅

10 episodes of Pam Ellis written ✅

Create Kate's Truth Cover 😁✅

Create Kate's Case Files paperbacks for past books ❌ (Moving this to February's list)

Post daily on social media ✅

Create Kate's Turth digital bundle 😁✅

Projects completed

An awesome shower book-themed baby shower ✅

 

Favorite sermon this month

Romans 8: 31-32: God is For You by a guest preacher at our church

Favorite memory:

Kelsey's baby shower

The book exchange

Scott and I going to the bookstore together

How did your January go?

I had donated to the fundraiser for Jessie’s Dad. Since I could do it anonymously, with neither my family nor Jessie knowing I had, I did it. Because I still cared even if she didn’t want me in her life.

I entered My Weekend Is Booked to a Tea through the back door. I would be manning the store alone today. Lacie and Jared were taking their kids out on an adventure and telling them that Lacie was expecting again. This would be her second baby, but her fourth child in the house. Molly and Anna would be excited. Little Hosanna probably wouldn’t understand, but still be happy.

I turned on the lights and started the hot water. I liked opening the store and getting it off to a good start. Then my phone dinged, and I looked down at it. It was a social media post by a teacher I often found encouraging.

Behind on your Bible reading plan already? Three strategies to help you not give up.

I slapped my forehead. I hadn’t even thought about a reading plan. What was wrong with me? Here it was almost the end of January and I had read my Bible probably three times a week at the most. No, probably less than that.

I dropped to the floor and the tears spilled over.

“God! I can’t do this! I’m exhausted trying to find joy, to try new things, to try to heal. And I’m failing at it all.”

I had failed as a friend. I was failing my God who had saved me and redeemed me. What else would I mess up in my life? My family? My job?

“And I am so, so tired of the tears,” I whispered. Why wasn’t I feeling the joy yet?

I lifted my eyes and stood. The display of small wooden signs needed straightening. I adjusted the signs and saw a customer had shoved one sign behind another.

Count your blessings.

I let out a long breath. I didn’t feel like it but hadn’t one of the things on my list been a gratitude jar? It would be like God’s mercies I was writing down in the notebook, but it would be a little more visible.

I set the sign down in the correct place and took a step back. I didn’t think I could be grateful right now, not when I was failing at everything.

I plastered on a smile and hoped Crystal would be in a hurry to be back on the road. I didn’t feel in the mood to hang out with anyone. I wanted to go home, throw that stupid list of things to do and mercy notebook in the trash, and then indulge in some stupid show that would be mind-numbing and then sleep for about ten hours, preferably without any dreams.

Yes, I was in a bad mood and I didn’t know how to hide it. My smile wouldn’t stay in place if I wasn’t thinking about it. Maybe it was a good thing Crystal was meeting me at my job. Maybe I could invent a work excuse. Perhaps I could suddenly remember an urgent something that needed to be done in the back room. However, that would be lying. I didn’t need to fail more as a Christian.

“Pam!”

I turned and plastered on the smile again. “Hi, Crystal.” I knew my enthusiasm didn’t match hers, but I couldn’t. Not today. I was barely holding it together.

“It’s so good to see you. I was remembering that readers retreat you, Jessie, and I went on and realized it’s been two years since we did that and that’s the last time we were together. Can you believe it?”

You know how in the films when everything freezes and the main character is suddenly transported back to a memory and then the present fades back in? Well, mentioning the reader retreat was like that for me. It had been an amazing week and we had fun. And it was that week Jessie had said I had ruined our friendship.

“Have you heard from Jessie in the last couple of days?” Crystal asked. “She hasn’t replied to my last text.”

I shook my head slowly. I felt like I was treading on dangerous ground. I didn’t know how to talk about Jessie without being raw. So, I just didn’t talk to anyone but God about her, well, and my mother at times.

“Well, that worries me. I know she was worried her dad might have to have surgery. When was the last time you heard from her?”

Wow, now here was a question there was no easy answer to. I let my shoulders drop. I was too tired and discouraged to fight this.

“October seventeenth.” My words were monotone even to me. I suddenly felt so numb and tired. Why was it only two in the afternoon? Why couldn’t it be time to close, go home, and sleep?

Crystal cocked her head. “October? Pam, what’s going on? You two used to be so close and I used to be a very happy third wheel to your duo. What happened?”

I sank onto the stool by the register. “I…Jessie…” I took a deep breath. “I said and did some things during the weekend of that retreat which hurt Jessie deeply. I didn’t know it at the time but… I wounded our friendship beyond repair.”

Crystal shook her head slowly. “That doesn’t make sense. The three of us were together the whole time. I don’t remember anything you did…”

I pressed my lips together, trying to figure out what I should and shouldn’t say. “Remember the book exchange and the signed copy of the Nutcracker retelling I stole from her?”

“I remember, didn’t she laugh and you offered to give it back to her when we got back to our room?”

I swallowed. “Well, that hurt her feelings, and also remember who we…I went on and on about that fantasy book?”

“Oh yes, that one we all hated.”

“She loves it.”

“She did? Why didn’t she say anything?”

A question I had asked myself so many times and asked her quite a few times to her directly.

I stared down at my hands. “Well, I hurt her by what I said. Along with a few other incidents that were between her and me. We tried to work it out but in October… I just hadn’t been able to do enough to repair the relationship.”

“You hadn’t done enough? Pam, it isn’t about what you do. You can’t earn forgiveness. It’s given and received.”

I struggled to find words that were true and also kind toward my friend. I decided to use the words Jessie had told me in October. “But sometimes, you do so much damage, forgiveness is given but restoration is impossible.”

Crystal’s arm came around me. “Oh, Pam. I’m so sorry.”

I lost it again. The tears spilled down my face. “I tried so hard to fix it, Crystal. I just…I had damaged it too much. I’m such a mess and I don’t have a bible reading plan and I just want hope and joy again,” I blabbered like an idiot. “I don’t want to come between you and Jessie. It really was… I did some stupid things that hurt her without realizing it.”

Crystal squeezed me tighter. “Pam, you are not a mess – you’re hurting. I’m not going to stop being your friend, okay?”

I finally hugged her back and my tears subsided. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall apart on you.”

She shook her head as she pulled away. “Sounds like you have a lot piled inside. Come on, let’s get some tea and talk.”

I swallowed. “I…I don’t want to gossip about Jessie. I probably already shared too much.”

Crystal shook her head. “It was bound to come out at some point she wasn’t talking to you. I see you blame yourself. How about we talk about other things entirely? Like maybe a reading plan?”

I let out a sigh. “I realized today I haven’t been reading my bible much and I don’t have a reading plan for the year. I feel like a failure.”

“Well, it’s never too late to start a plan. I did one last year which was wonderful. I read through some of the smaller books of the bible and really dug into them. It was nicer than trying to keep up with a lot of daily reading.”

The idea sparked hope that I could do that. “It sounds good.”

This hymn has been a favorite since childhood. It's meaning grows richer the older I get.

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One of the greatest gifts God has given me is my friendship with Kelsey Bryant. She is an author, editor, and godly woman who has walked me through a lot of years and changes in life. We connected in 2012, met in person in 2013, and have been friends ever since.

Kelsey is a lover of classics. It was her influence that finally had me jumping in and reading them for myself. Every year, starting in 2018, we read a classic a month together. We're at it again this year. Here is our list.

January ~ The Trial by Charlotte Mary Yonge

February ~ A Garland for Girls by Louisa May Alcott

March ~ Mansfield Park by Jane Austen

April ~ The Master of Ballantrae by Robert Louis Stevenson

May ~ Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secrets by Dr. and Mrs. Howard Taylor

June ~ Quo Vadis by Henryk Sienkiewicz

July ~ Life with Father by Clarence Day Jr

August ~ Arabian Nights

September ~ Anne's House of Dreams by L.M. Montgomery

October ~ Woman in White by Wilkie Collins

November ~ Waverley by Walter Scott

December ~ Hans Brinker and the Silver Skates by Mary Mapes Dodge

What do you think of the list? Any favorites of yours on here?

In 2024, I read two books that became unlikely favorites. One was a historically inaccurate novel, and the other was violent—far more violent than I usually like my fiction to be. Yet both made their way deep into my heart. Why? because they had heroes—idealized and romanticized heroes who were larger than life.

The Scottish Chiefs and Break the Beast are two books that seem to have little in common at first glance. The Scottish Chiefs is a historical fiction on the life of William Wallace. Break the Beast is a fantasy retelling of the epic poem Beowulf. The Scottish Chiefs has a vintage feel (it was published in 1809), taking its time to tell a romantic version of William Wallace. Break the Beast is a fast-paced, modern book with grit and violence. Both books featured an idealized main character who made me crave more hero books.

Heroes are not a popular idea right now. Current book trends favor the morally grey characters - the characters who can be horrible, but you find they have redeeming qualities. 

The drunken superhero. 

The super handsome boss who adores the girl, but is possessive, obsessive, and rude.

The good girl who falls for the bad boy and realizes being good is boring.

The person willing to sacrifice everything and everyone to achieve a goal.

The fallen good girl, struggling to find redemption.

The man who ignores rules and laws to achieve a 'greater good'.

While we need stories that show redemption and the triumph of the flawed characters doing their best, we also need more. We need the characters that are so good that they inspire us to do better. We need the good boys and girls who stay good through the whole story and win victories because of it. We need stories that tell us that we could be so much more than what we are settling for.

In The Scottish Chiefs, William Wallace is a man whose life is upended by tragedy, and is forced to fight a war he didn't want. Yet, he does so with character, purpose, and integrity. His noble character is in stark contrast to those he is fighting. No, this is not the book to go to to get the historical facts. However, it is a good book to read to see the beauty of a morally shining character against the black backdrop of corruption.

In Break the Beast, Beowulf is a powerful warrior who can do just about anything on his own. He charges through the story defeating enemies, and offering bold compassion and redemption without compromising his quest to right wrongs. He knows what others need and pours himself out for others through the whole story, keeping his end goal in mind. A morally bright character against the black backdrop of evil.

Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. Philippians 2:14-16 NIV, emphasis added.

 Idealized heroes remind me of the above verse. They shine like stars against a dark sky. They challenge me to think beyond what I am to what I could be. Ultimately, they point me to The Hero, Jesus, who is my ultimate hero and role model.

Do we need realistic, flawed characters in our fiction? Yes! Do we need redemption stories? Absolutely! However, I argue that we also need morally shining characters. We need the unabashedly good heroic character that seems a little too good to be true. We need characters like Beowulf and Wallace. We need characters like the Old Testament Joseph, Daniel, and Ruth; men and women who stand out from the darkness as shining lights of heroic morality and courageous goodness.

We need heroes.