Open Hands, Open Heart

1:00 AM

Last week was hard and amazing at the same time. Shall I explain?

I've been praying for wisdom a lot. I lay awake one night after praying a lot that day. I had been feeling emotional and petrified of going to a women's Bible study. Group settings are really hard for me, even sometimes with my family. I cried to God and asked Him to show me why that was and how I could go about healing whatever wound had caused my fear.

As I lay still and quiet, waiting for sleep, the answer came. In 2017, some groups that had been safe before had been the sources of some pretty big pain. Like the body, our hearts natural reaction to pain is to withdraw. Now, armed with that insight I can deal with the issue

God is also teaching me to pray with hands wide open. Sometimes I literally stand with my palms open and pray. Why? Because I often hold too tightly to what I want to be, the hurt that I have, or the desires of my heart. I want that friend back, I want a relationship to change, I want this person not to hurt, and so on. Yet, I've been reminded of the power of giving it all to God and then holding my hands open, allowing Him to place in them what He wants to give me. He might say yes, He might say no, He might say wait. Whatever His answer is, I want to be ready to receive it...or let go. 

I had one other big moment this week.

On Friday, I was recording a video for Reading Tips Tuesday. I was talking about some books I loved and almost had to stop recording. I came across some books given to me by a friend that is no longer in my life. I almost had to stop recording because I was happily telling my watchers about this awesome book that my good friend gave me and I realized...I meant it.

I know, that sounds odd. I came to a moment and I realized the hurt that they had caused was forgiven and healed to the point that my heart was open. My heart, with the help of God, is open again to all the joy that friendship gave. The memories of all the good times, and not the painful things that marred them, were coming to mind. I found myself praying for an opportunity for reconciliation. I know it wouldn't be easy, but God has opened my heart once again.

How does all of this tie together? It is all in answer to my prayer that God would help me heal the wounds of 2017. I had been deeply wounded, but I didn't want to stay wounded. I wanted to heal, to forgive, and to move on. Each of these moments showed me that God was at work to answer those prayers. I can't wait to see what he has next.

You Might Also Like


  1. Thank You for sharing this moving post. I hope you rekindle that friendship. God Bless.