"So, why has Sarah been so quiet of late?"

A very good question my friends and one for which there is a very good, beautiful gift-from-God answer. But, because I am a storyteller, I of course am not going to just blurt it out, but tell you the story.

 It took us a while to get our photos and then it's taken me even longer to make up this post.

Scott asked me to marry him in June, on my birthday. We talked about when we wanted to get married. My sister Rose was headed out for a two-month mission trip. We knew that we would need to either have our wedding before or after her trip, as neither of us could imagine getting married without her there. After all, she was going to be my maid-of-honor.

September quickly became the month of choice, along with Sunday as a good day of the week, as Scott works for a Chick-fil-A and we wanted his co-workers to easily be able to make it.

I hadn't spent a lot of time picturing what my future wedding would look like, but I just loved how all the details came together. We did a Texas/country theme. We wanted to keep everything simple and not spend a fortune on the wedding. 

God was really gracious. Our first choices for venue fell through. We didn't want to book a traditional wedding venue, as they are so expensive. We found a community center that not only was a great location but a great price. 

When I told my community group about Scott and me, I started with the words: This is a story of God's faithfulness. Because, as with the best kind of love stories, this isn't just our story. This is a story of God's faithfulness in both our lives and the lives of those around us.

In 2014 my Mom and I prayed almost daily for a family we could be friends with and do life together. We were feeling isolated and in need of deep Christian fellowship. At the end of that year, my sister Rose made friends with a couple of brothers through filmmaking. I met them when they came to film a live nativity that we were a part of. 

I didn't spend much time talking with any of them until January of 2015 when I also met one of their other brothers, Scott. I was not feeling well that day, but I was impressed with the godly and humble way they talked to and about each other. Scott also saw that my youngest sister was bored and made her smile, which made me like him. I didn't talk much, but I did share a little about what God was teaching me through our family's work at the food pantry. Scott told me recently that after I spoke, he thought I would make a good friend.

Our family's started spending a lot of time together. As 2015 progressed, Saturdays would find some or all four Larkin brothers at our house. God was molding me a lot that year, teaching me some very important lessons. Scott always seemed to be at our house on the tough days.

As the months continued to roll by, we found we understood each other well and could talk for long periods of time about anything and everything. By the end of the year, we were best friends. And I also realized that I had started having feelings for Scott. I don't know really when I started caring more, because it came on slowly. There really wasn't a moment I started loving him, it was a lot of moments.

I had seen a couple of friends ruin good friendships with guys because they wanted a romantic relationship instead. I didn't want that to happen to Scott and me. I figured my feelings would fade and our friendship would be worth any squashed feelings. Scott trusted me with his friendship. I didn't want to betray that trust.

I had ups and downs with my feelings in 2016. I would be content most of the time, and there were a few times that it was hard. I did a lot of praying. What I didn't know was that Scott has started caring for me that year. He had his own challenges to work through. He also needed time to consider what to do, not the least of which is the friendship we had was special to him as well.

God was faithful. He knew that we both had some learning to do and some trials ahead. He upheld both of us.

2017 remains the hardest, most emotionally draining year of my life. I was hard-pressed on every side. There were days I curled up and cried, telling God I couldn't take any more emotional pain. On those days, I would often get a text from Scott. On the really bad days, God often arranged for Scott to be over at our house. Our friendship was deepened and so was our love for each other. It was a tough year, but one that God used in my life to build my character and our friendship.

God's faithfulness continued because while Scott and I cared more than ever for each other, He had a few things to teach me. 2018 was a time of healing for me as God put the pieces of my life back together.

One of the ways I maintained a healthy relationship with Scott is being open with my Mom and a couple of friends about my struggle. At the beginning of the year, since my feelings are grown, I set up more boundaries in my relationship with Scott. I didn't initiate conversations often and I also moved to sharing deeper stuff with my female friends. One of my friends, Jessica challenged me toward the end of 2018 that I needed to take a day and pray about my relationship with Scott. I think she sensed my heart was not in the right place.

God was faithful, I got home from work and walked down our country road. It was cold and windy and I was praying for what God wanted me to do. God showed me the state of my heart. I was clinging so tightly to the friendship. In my heart, I was demanding God not touch it, not change it, not take it. I cried out to God, telling Him I wanted to surrender the friendship to Him, but I was afraid. It was a long walk but in the end, I stood with open hands and told God that He had given the friendship in the first place. It was His to do with as he pleased.

While Scott and I were still good friends, 2019 brought new challenges. We had things that seemed to interfere some with our friendship. I thought God was using them to slowly pull us apart. There were days I was grateful, and there were days I wanted to grab the friendship back from God's hands. I sang I Surrender All a lot that year. 

While 2020 was a crazy year for just about everyone, I found a lot of hope in that year. I had struggled with pain in my right arm for months that God provided help for in the form of a talented physical therapist.  I missed the Larkins visits as the lockdown progressed in Texas. Scott and I communicated some, but not as much as in the past. I continued to pray for open hands. 

A 2021 New Years' conversation with Scott made me feel hopeful about our friendship, but that quickly turned into the most silence between us, both in-person and text, in the history of our friendship. I knew our friendship was about to change. I thought he was getting ready to tell me we needed to take a step back. The silence was really because he was preparing to ask if we could take a step forward. I however became stressed to the point I was struggling to focus. I wanted to live with open hands, but I knew the pain of losing a friendship I valued. I was not looking forward to that conversation.

God's faithfulness continued. On a usual Saturday visit, on February 6th, the Larkins arrived to find me painting the playscape, one of the projects I had taken on to deal with the stress I was feeling. Scott and I interacted a bit, but the tension was pretty obvious. At the end of the day, I went outside to escape that tension. When he asked to come with me, I said yes more because it was the right thing to do than I felt like having him. 

We sat on the porch. I knew this was the moment I had been dreading...or so I thought. My world shifted and the beauty of the moment of hearing that he loved me and then being able to say it back was pretty amazing.

The following Monday, Scott and I took a walk in the evening down that same country lane where I had prayed, wrestled, and finally handed the relationship to Jesus. I told him that story, and he shared some of his story. We also spent time talking about guardrails, our word choice for the boundaries in our relationship.

My dear readers, this is a story of God's faithfulness. The joy I feel right now is so deep because it's founded on years of living with open hands before God. It wasn't always easy. In fact, there were some really hard days. Yet, God's faithfulness through all of it is why I'm here, with Scott today. 

 

Today, I turned 30.

This month has been an emotional roller-coaster, most of it of my own making. There were days that I was excited that I had made it 30 years, and there were a lot of days I felt like curling in a ball and crying. There was something about the big three-zero birthday that had me. I never thought I would get to this age without a family of my own. At the same time, I saw so many things that God needed to change in me, I kinda wondered how I had any friends and why my family put up with me.

I took a week off for my birthday and spent a lot of time thinking, praying, as well as chilling and having fun. In this week off, God has brought me not only to a place of great peace but to a point that today was a day of great rejoicing for me.

We all have expectations in life. I’m no different. Now, I wasn’t one of those who had a life plan, but I did have ideas. As is often the case, God had plans for me that were very different than my ideas. While those plans are for my good, they don’t necessarily feel good. However, we all know there are many things that feel good that aren’t good for us. We can’t live on sugar and other junk food. Exercises don’t feel good a lot of the time, but they achieve a result that is good.

There is so much that God has been teaching me, it can’t all fit into this post. However, I will say that I’m so grateful for the thirty years that God has given me. As I look ahead, I have no idea what He has in store for me. I do know that I can hold on to hope because it will be for my good and for his glory.

Here is a song I’ve been listening to a lot this past week.

On this blog, I use the tag Where Destiny Takes You for posts. Mostly, I use them for when God is redirecting my life. This last month, I've become aware that God's plans - His destiny for my life - is once again is different than my plans.

As many of you know, I had to take a lot of time off this summer due to a tendon injury. Six weeks with very little writing was hard. I was very excited when it healed and I could get back to writing. This fall has been jammed back getting Kate's Christmas and A Very Bookish Christmas ready for publication. In October, my arm started hurting again. I ignored it until I knew that I couldn't unless I wanted the horrible pain to come back. I canceled my plans to do NaNo and started looking hard at next year.

Writing is something that isn't a chore for me. I love it. It spills out of me and is my therapy, my happy place, and my tears all in one. But, it seems that I'm going to have to take a step back for a while and give my arm a few months to heal.

While this is hard for me on one hand, I'm also excited to see what God is going to do through this time. The next few months, I'm going to study, pick up some old hobbies, hang out with friends, and work on marketing the books I already have.

I would ask for your prayers because this isn't an easy journey for me. However, I hope to bring you with me on this journey. I mean, we all encounter times when all our plans get thrown out the window. but God has better plans for us. Even if we know that fact, it doesn't make it easy, so let's journey together.

Find it on: Goodreads | Kindle | Hardcover | Audiobook

This is not going to be one of my normal book reviews because this was not a normal book. This was a book that God brought along just when I needed it. I’m twenty-nine years old and my life is nothing like I thought it would be at this point. That isn’t to say I don’t love my life. I am so grateful for where I am and what God has allowed me to do. However, though the spirit is willing, my flesh is weak. This last week, discouragement has been pulling at me.

So many people, with the best of intentions, have questioned my choices in life. They ask questions that make me wonder if I missed something. After all, what if I am doing something to scare off the guys? What if I do need to get a real job? I’m still living at home, what happens if my parents die? You get the idea, I’ve been doubting just about everything. On top of that, this week as been pretty stressful.

I came home from work to find this book had been delivered. Having a million things that needed my attention, I sat on my bed and read the whole book. Now, I feel like crying, I probably will as I finish writing this review. The words of this book washed over me, lapped around my heart and soaked into my dry soul. I can, and do, trust God to write my story.

Many well-meaning people don’t and won’t agree with the choices that God has called me to make. The story He is writing in my life is not going to look like the American dream, it isn’t going to reflect my hopes because I have trusted Him to do something better, and that is never, ever a mistake.

This book touches on many aspects of life that we struggle to trust God with. Each chapter shares personal testimonies of God’s faithfulness. Here is my testimony (the shortened version):

I’ve always wanted to be a wife a mom. I’ve also felt God’s call to write. I published my first book when I was twenty-one and God has used my books to impact lives. In the last few years, I’ve gone through some very serious bouts of discouragement. Being in your late twenties and never having a guy shown any interest has taken its toll on my perception of my value. God used some wonderful people in my life to help me refocus my vision to where it should have been: on Him and what value He places on me.

This summer, my sales have dropped to almost nothing. Now, they’ve never been amazing, but that’s been okay with me. However, while it isn’t about the money, an author does like to make some right? I’m still struggling to trust that no matter what the numbers say, I’m to follow Christ’s call. This reminds me I can trust Him no matter what.

The biggest struggle I face has been a life long one. I’ve struggled with fatigue since my childhood. In my teens, it was debilitating. It slowly, and for no apparent reason, started getting better in my twenties. Yet, I still battle all the time with having the energy to accomplish what needs to get done. I don’t have answers for why I don’t think I ever will.

However, this book reminded me that I can trust God to use that part of the story for good. He wrote that plot twist into my life before the creation of the world. He knew exactly where it would take me and where it will continue to
take me.

My dear friend, if you are struggling to trust God with your story, you are not alone. I highly recommend this book to you. I pray it will bless your heart as it did mine.

I received this book from Moody Publishers for the purpose of writing a review. I was not required to write a positive review. All the thoughts expressed are my own. 

For this month, you can donate Revive Our Hearts and get the book as a thank you. If you would like to support this ministry and get this amazing book, click HERE

My first book is about to turn eight years old. It's hard to believe. It has a lot of flaws. I learned a lot since publishing it and hope to have it edited professionally, fix a couple of issues and revamp the cover sometime soon. However, it still has a very special place in my heart. Today, I've been thinking a lot about Maria at the end of that book. I've been thinking about her thoughts on destiny from all the books. Why? That's a really good question.

I've been praying a lot lately for wisdom. It seemed like there were a lot of little decisions that I needed to make. I've felt I couldn't balance all the demands on my time. I was contemplating quitting one of my outside jobs so I would have more time to write. I was praying and this morning, God answered in a way I didn't expect.

Our fridge broke.

I know, earth-shattering, right? Well, this is on top of a lot of other expenses that our family is facing. I found out that one of my jobs will allow me to work some extra hours and suddenly, everything became very clear: For this season, I need to take the extra hours and set aside my writing. No, I'm not giving it up. I'll still work on it some. However, for now, it's going to take a back seat.

This wasn't the answer I wanted. However, this is my answer and that peace that surpasses all understanding has filled my heart. I don't understand where this turn in destiny is taking me, but I know that God does. He knows the destiny He has for me.

With that said, I probably won't be blogging much or sending out weekly author newsletters, for this time and season.

While I won't be online as much. I'll be around. I'm so grateful for every hour God has provided for me to write and I know He will continue to provide a time where I can. I know that this is only the beginning of my continuing destiny.