Note: young readers might want their parents to read this with them

This quote sums up a lot of what I think about modesty and also what I think the Bible does as well. My brother quoted it a long time ago, and I cannot find who said it or if I have it right. Although, I think he found it in the Singer trilogy by Calvin Miller.

Modesty is a very touchy issue for a lot of people. I have heard the sermons preached by well-meaning men whose words seem to pass off their guilt in lust and make it the issue of the women who are immodestly dressed. They start to talk about specifics. Super modest girls want to cry, because they do their best, but they notice that teenager giving them a dirty appraisal. The girl who is moderately modest wants to scream, but instead sits with her arms crossed and contemplates throwing out the whole modesty idea. The girls that never cared in the first place are still hurt by the sermon, but roll their eyes and move on.

Because of the misuse of the term by some guys, the prevailing thought in the culture, and the rebellion in our own hearts, modesty is often ignored and laughed at. The Bible has a lot to say about lust, modesty, and aligning our heart with God, and I encourage you to explore the topic through your own personal Bible study.

When you are searching, don’t just search for the word modesty, also look for the word lust. It is very clear from the Bible that the heart is what matters the most to God. What we do reflects the state of our heart before God. Because of this, I think that the first and most important thing when considering modesty is have you considered it in the light of what God has taught you? It is so easy to draw back when you hear the rabid modesty people talking about ridiculous modesty rules, or men blaming women for all their issues to chunk the whole idea. However, God has called us to modesty.

The Bible, doesn’t give us a lot of rules. There is not a verse that says “And all women are to cover themselves from the collar bone the ankle, with the shoulders cover to a length of not less than three inches.” That would have made it easy, but God only called us to treat our private parts with modestly, that nakedness was for the marriage partner alone, and that our beauty should come from the inside. This leaves a lot of room for differences of opinion. Perhaps because God knew that different people at different times, cultures, and such would have different struggles.

When asking if an item is modest here are the questions I ask myself:

~ “What does it draw attention to?” If the answer is a part of the anatomy associated with sexual attraction, best to move on.
~ “Why am I interested in it?” This one is easy for me, as my closet is mainly clothes that I can work in, I am not much of a fashion girl. However, I want to always make sure I am not buying it to attract the wrong kind of attention.
~ “Would my father think it is modest?” Although my father has told me I can make my own choices, one of the ways I honor him is to dress in a way that he thinks is modest.

Let us talk about the elephant in the room: Are we as women responsible what guys think? My answer is a very quick no. We are not responsible for what anyone else thinks. I think we see clearly in the Bible that each is judged for his own thoughts. HOWEVER, we are responsible for the messages we send with what we wear. If we wear something that we know will attract the wrong kind attention (aka lust) then we have done wrong to not only God, but also to our brothers in Christ.

Modesty is a difficult issue for which I could go on for a long time. It is one that we sometimes would like to ignore, but we cannot. If you haven’t, please go before God today and seek his will for this topic in your life.

In recent years, courtship has come under heavy attack. You say courtship in a room of conservative Christians these days, and battle lines are drawn. Some see it as a system that is horrific and archaic while others see it as a godly approach to finding a spouse. Let us understand a few things about courtship:

~ There are different type,s so the word can mean different things to different people.
~ The Bible has some principles, but doesn’t talk a lot about the method for finding a spouse.
~ There are stories and scriptures to prove both sides of the argument.

With these things in mind, why did I and my family choose courtship? As I mentioned, there are different definitions of courtship, so here is mine:

A parent involved way of exploring a relationship with a prospective spouse. It also assumes, from the beginning, that a person is a possible spouse and romantic relationships are not just for fun. It also is the belief that such relationships should start out based in friendship and deep understanding, not feelings or physical touch.

The outworking of this will look different for each of my siblings. In fact, my sister Rose has had a couple of relationships. Neither worked out, but both ended because she decided it wouldn’t work out. One of them she had talk to my dad first, the other didn’t. It varies with each sibling and with each relationship that happens. I want a huge amout of parent involvement when my time comes, and some of my siblings want less. However, I think no matter what you choose to call it, having involvement from someone older and wiser than you is important when picking a spouse.

The American culture touts being independent, self-sufficient, and so smart we don’t need anyone else. The Bible says just this opposite. It calls for us to be dependent on God, to seek others' advice, and to recognize that we do not have a corner on wisdom (please, don’t take my word for it, read for yourself.) When it comes to finding a spouse, our culture says it is your own business and you are wise enough, yet to me it is clear that God never meant us to make major decision without not only seeking His counsel, but that of from those who are wiser than us.

Some of us are fortunate enough to have parents we love, trust and respect. As I am one of those people, I have chosen courtship. For those who for one reason or another do not feel comfortable with this option, seeking an older couple who can help guide the relationship and give advice is a wise step.

Does seeking counsel, or courtship offer protection against a broken heart and disappointment? Perhaps a little, but it is far from a guarantee. Feelings are still hurt, hopes are still dashed, and hearts can be broken. No method offers complete protection for these things (anyone who tells you otherwise is probably selling something). However, it is my firm belief that many long term heartaches will and can be avoided by listening to wiser voices than my own, and not entering into relationships in a careless manner.

There is a lot more I could say about this topic, but I think this is enough for now. Join me next week as I explore another topic that has been controversial of late: modesty.