When Everyday Things Are Big

9:12 PM


The last few weeks have made me remember the first half of my life. Not the events really as much as the struggle.

In my childhood and early teens, I struggled with many health issues that caused debilitating fatigue. It wasn't until my late teens and early twenties that I started to heal. By age twenty-five, while I was not the bundle of energy many people were, I could almost pass as having a normal amount of energy.

And then June of 2022 hit. 

The month was filled with health challenges that left my energy depleted. I wanted to edit the next Kate's Case Files books, continue to cook meals, and be there for the people I loved. I wanted to write blog posts, social media posts, and have an awesome newsletter. None of that was in me. I mainly slept in, read, watched movies, and did what I had to do in a day. I had little to give to others.

For a month, I've struggled with feeling useless. But I remembered these feelings and sensations. It brought back so many memories of days I wanted to do things, and did not have the energy or the brain power to do them. I remembered the many tests by doctors, supplements and diets tried, and scary possibilities entertained over the years with nothing conclusive ever figured out. Even though the cause for my fatigue wasn't a mystery this time, part of me wondered if I was returning to those days.

In the few days, God has granted me both physical and emotional mercies to see that this won't be forever. In fact, this evening, I made dinner and cleaned up after it. 

I know, that doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was the first time in a month that I had made and cleaned up after a meal (unless you count making a sandwich). It felt like a huge victory. It WAS a huge victory for me. 

I think this time of physical weakness has reminded me of some important truths that I needed to be reminded of:

~ My worth is not in what I accomplish.

~ God's strength is made perfect in my weakness. And I am weak even when I don't feel weak. I need to keep depending on God in the times I feel my weakness and the times I don't.

~ Never take the little things for granted. Thank God for them.

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