When I told my community group about Scott and me, I started with the words: This is a story of God's faithfulness. Because, as with the best kind of love stories, this isn't just our story. This is a story of God's faithfulness in both our lives and the lives of those around us.
In 2014 my Mom and I prayed almost daily for a family we could be friends with and do life together. We were feeling isolated and in need of deep Christian fellowship. At the end of that year, my sister Rose made friends with a couple of brothers through filmmaking. I met them when they came to film a live nativity that we were a part of.
I didn't spend much time talking with any of them until January of 2015 when I also met one of their other brothers, Scott. I was not feeling well that day, but I was impressed with the godly and humble way they talked to and about each other. Scott also saw that my youngest sister was bored and made her smile, which made me like him. I didn't talk much, but I did share a little about what God was teaching me through our family's work at the food pantry. Scott told me recently that after I spoke, he thought I would make a good friend.
Our family's started spending a lot of time together. As 2015 progressed, Saturdays would find some or all four Larkin brothers at our house. God was molding me a lot that year, teaching me some very important lessons. Scott always seemed to be at our house on the tough days.
As the months continued to roll by, we found we understood each other well and could talk for long periods of time about anything and everything. By the end of the year, we were best friends. And I also realized that I had started having feelings for Scott. I don't know really when I started caring more, because it came on slowly. There really wasn't a moment I started loving him, it was a lot of moments.
I had seen a couple of friends ruin good friendships with guys because they wanted a romantic relationship instead. I didn't want that to happen to Scott and me. I figured my feelings would fade and our friendship would be worth any squashed feelings. Scott trusted me with his friendship. I didn't want to betray that trust.
I had ups and downs with my feelings in 2016. I would be content most of the time, and there were a few times that it was hard. I did a lot of praying. What I didn't know was that Scott has started caring for me that year. He had his own challenges to work through. He also needed time to consider what to do, not the least of which is the friendship we had was special to him as well.
God was faithful. He knew that we both had some learning to do and some trials ahead. He upheld both of us.
2017 remains the hardest, most emotionally draining year of my life. I was hard-pressed on every side. There were days I curled up and cried, telling God I couldn't take any more emotional pain. On those days, I would often get a text from Scott. On the really bad days, God often arranged for Scott to be over at our house. Our friendship was deepened and so was our love for each other. It was a tough year, but one that God used in my life to build my character and our friendship.
God's faithfulness continued because while Scott and I cared more than ever for each other, He had a few things to teach me. 2018 was a time of healing for me as God put the pieces of my life back together.
One of the ways I maintained a healthy relationship with Scott is being open with my Mom and a couple of friends about my struggle. At the beginning of the year, since my feelings are grown, I set up more boundaries in my relationship with Scott. I didn't initiate conversations often and I also moved to sharing deeper stuff with my female friends. One of my friends, Jessica challenged me toward the end of 2018 that I needed to take a day and pray about my relationship with Scott. I think she sensed my heart was not in the right place.
God was faithful, I got home from work and walked down our country road. It was cold and windy and I was praying for what God wanted me to do. God showed me the state of my heart. I was clinging so tightly to the friendship. In my heart, I was demanding God not touch it, not change it, not take it. I cried out to God, telling Him I wanted to surrender the friendship to Him, but I was afraid. It was a long walk but in the end, I stood with open hands and told God that He had given the friendship in the first place. It was His to do with as he pleased.
While Scott and I were still good friends, 2019 brought new challenges. We had things that seemed to interfere some with our friendship. I thought God was using them to slowly pull us apart. There were days I was grateful, and there were days I wanted to grab the friendship back from God's hands. I sang I Surrender All a lot that year.
While 2020 was a crazy year for just about everyone, I found a lot of hope in that year. I had struggled with pain in my right arm for months that God provided help for in the form of a talented physical therapist. I missed the Larkins visits as the lockdown progressed in Texas. Scott and I communicated some, but not as much as in the past. I continued to pray for open hands.
A 2021 New Years' conversation with Scott made me feel hopeful about our friendship, but that quickly turned into the most silence between us, both in-person and text, in the history of our friendship. I knew our friendship was about to change. I thought he was getting ready to tell me we needed to take a step back. The silence was really because he was preparing to ask if we could take a step forward. I however became stressed to the point I was struggling to focus. I wanted to live with open hands, but I knew the pain of losing a friendship I valued. I was not looking forward to that conversation.
God's faithfulness continued. On a usual Saturday visit, on February 6th, the Larkins arrived to find me painting the playscape, one of the projects I had taken on to deal with the stress I was feeling. Scott and I interacted a bit, but the tension was pretty obvious. At the end of the day, I went outside to escape that tension. When he asked to come with me, I said yes more because it was the right thing to do than I felt like having him.
We sat on the porch. I knew this was the moment I had been dreading...or so I thought. My world shifted and the beauty of the moment of hearing that he loved me and then being able to say it back was pretty amazing.
The following Monday, Scott and I took a walk in the evening down that same country lane where I had prayed, wrestled, and finally handed the relationship to Jesus. I told him that story, and he shared some of his story. We also spent time talking about guardrails, our word choice for the boundaries in our relationship.
My dear readers, this is a story of God's faithfulness. The joy I feel right now is so deep because it's founded on years of living with open hands before God. It wasn't always easy. In fact, there were some really hard days. Yet, God's faithfulness through all of it is why I'm here, with Scott today.
