Another week and another chance to choose something to bring joy for the week. I looked at the list I had made. I had contracted a summer cold. It wasn’t bad, but the stuffy nose made it hard to sleep, and I had a light cough that caught me at the wrong times. I needed something simple, something I could do in my room.

My gaze landed on an item toward the bottom of the list.

Finally put those stickers you’ve been collecting on a water bottle.

Yap, that was the one. I had trouble committing the special stickers I had collected to her water bottles. After all, I didn’t want to lose the stickers. But what was I saving them for?

I dug under my bed for my collection of water bottles. I selected a metal one that seemed like it would last a long time and then went to my desk. I pulled out a small box I had collected of special stickers.

I decided that even with the cold, I needed a further distraction, so I didn’t overthink using my precious stickers. I scrolled through a list of audiobooks from my library I had saved off and selected one that had been a favorite of my mother’s: A Bear Called Paddington by Michael Bond.

I started the audiobook and turned my attention to my task – bowing my nose, I wouldn’t drip onto the stickers at the water bottle. After this disgusting task was accomplished and my hands washed. I sat down to finally cover my water bottle with stickers.

I looked at the collection of stickers.

A beautiful sticker with watercolor flowers that said In Christ Alone. I put that front and center. Next went on my three different Jane Austen stickers. I smiled as I put the Booked to a Tea sticker on. Jared and Lacie had made them when they first opened the store. Jared hadn’t bothered to reorder them, so I was one of the few that had them for now.

There was the sticker from the aquarium for my birthday and the one from the state park.

When I finished, the bottle was covered with very little of the grey coating showing. I blew my nose and I coughed hard. It as time to curl up in my bed with a movie. Jane Austen was just the thing for a sick day. Oh! I needed tea to go with it.

 

I inhaled deeply of the tea I had brewed for myself. It wasn’t my favorite blend, but I needed to keep going today. Lots of tea to keep the congestion and sore throat at bay. That and a lot of hand sanitizer were used so I didn’t pass on my cold to the customers or Lacie. But Lacie and I were skillfully avoiding each other. I didn’t want to give her my cold. The further along in her pregnancy, the more paranoid she got about being sick.

I took another swallow of tea as a customer came up to the desk. Squirting on hand sanitizer, I took the selection of books from her. Five books, three children’s books, and two non-fiction from our Christian section. I rang them up and handed the woman her books. As soon as she was out the door, I blew my nose and again used the hand sanitizer.

Ah, the glamorous life of a customer service person with a cold.

 

“You look exhausted.” My mother looked me over as I entered the door.

I nodded and headed to the kitchen. “Working with a cold will do that. What smells so good?”

“I made you that green chili chicken soup you like so much.”

I turned toward my mother, feeling like my nose was twice its normal size and glowing red enough to give Rudolf the reindeer a run for his money. “Bless you. If I didn’t want to keep this cold to myself, I would hug and kiss you. Soup sounded so good, but I wasn’t sure I would have the energy to make anything.”

My mother smiled. “I like to be able to do things for you.”

I blew my nose and then washed my very dry hands before filling a bowl of the heavenly soup. I sat down at the table. Mom and I chatted about the little happenings of the day. She looked so tired.

“How has the counseling been going?” I asked.

She looked off to the window. “I have a wonderful, godly counselor who is helping me work through a lot of things from my past. Your father and I agreed that we would seek some personal healing before we tried anymore couples counseling.”

I nodded. It was hard to explain how that news was both encouraging and discouraging at the same time. I was glad my parents were still seeking help, that they hadn’t given up, but I had hoped we would be past this by now. I wanted our happy home back. However, I knew many of the things they were facing weren’t quick fixes. I had to be patient and wait to see how God would work things out.

I took a deep breath, coughed twice, before speaking. “I’m praying for both of you every day.”

She nodded and smiled. “We need that more than anything else anyone can do.”

I looked down at my bowl.

“How is Joan doing?”

I smiled, thinking of my mentor. “Oh, she is fine. We canceled our meeting as she tries to avoid respiratory illnesses. She has scar tissue on her lungs from an illness in her forties that makes her highly susceptible to making even minor colds into something serious.

My mother stood. “Well, I hope you get well soon. I need to go finish the laundry, and I promised my friend Jill I would call her this evening.”

I nodded, grateful my mother had a good friend to talk to. “Thank you once again, Mom.”

She smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you….” I coughed instead of saying too. And then I sneezed into my soup. Gross. I hated colds.

 

This week's Mercies:

Cold Meds

Hot tea

A mom who makes me good soup.

I found this Green Chili Chicken soup recipe, and it is a favorite. (Note, I'm endorsing the recipe, not the website, which I haven't fully explored. 

I actually have bought the In Christ Alone Sticker (and some others) from this cute Etsy Shop.

I also love the stickers from this literary Etsy Shop.

“Merry Christmas!”

Molly stood at the door eagerly handing out candy canes to people as they entered. Anna stood beside her, helping some, but mostly watching shyly.

Christmas in July had never been my thing, but I had to admit, our event was bringing in people to the bookstore. I had stayed late the night before, helping Jared and Lacie cover displays in fake snow, putting up a display of Christmas books, and setting out Christmas crafts for the kids. We even had two authors in for the day with their Christmas book offerings..

I tried not to feel awkward in my Santa hat and green apron. Instead, I tried to think about the extra pay I would get this week for working overtime. I also tried to enjoy the smiles it brought to the faces of the people coming in from the Texas heat.

Jared was busy snapping pictures of families and individuals with our Christmas photo backdrop and cardboard cutout of Father Christmas.

We had hot and iced chocolate ready to go. I knew I would be spending a lot of time behind the tea counter.

“Wow! Now this is a fun bookstore.”

I spun around and saw Asa standing, looking around.

Ben bumped him. “I told you; this isn’t what it normally looks like.”

Asa shrugged. “Too bad. I feel ten degrees cooler stepping in here. It gets you into the Christmas spirit.”

My mouth dropped open. “I thought you two said you were going to play Risk the whole day.”

Asa through his arm around my shoulder. “We may have exaggerated our plans so we could surprise you. It’s been too long since we visited your work. How long will this party last?”

I looked around. “Just for the day. I’ll be staying late to clean up and get all the summer displays put back up.”

Ben looked behind me. “Is that hot chocolate?”

I looked and nodded. “We also have iced chocolate.”

Ben moved toward the tea counter. “I’ll take the hot stuff.”

I shook my head, but obliged my brother. “How can you drink the hot chocolate when the temperature outside is…”

Ben held up his hand. “You drink hot tea almost every morning no matter how hot it is.”

I opened my mouth to say it was different, but I shut it again. I smiled. “You’re right.

“Make it two hot chocolates,” Ben said with a wink. “I want one for Asa and one for me. Let’s get into the Christmas in July mood!”

I laughed and obliged him.

We had been a mad house all day, but we finally closed the door. I let out a long breath and looked around the messy store. I sure had my work cut out for me.

Jared looked as tired as I felt. I reached to pick up a discarded coloring page from the floor when his phone started ringing. “Lacie? Yeah, we just finished up.”

I grabbed a box from behind the counter and loaded books from the Christmas display inside. Amazed at how many of the books had sold. I glanced from my work to see Jared looking at me with distress.

“Is Lacie okay?” I whispered.

He covered the lower half of the phone. “Apparently, she is feeling awful, Hosanna is throwing a fit, and Molly and Anna are crying.”

I knew what I needed to do. “I’ll do the clean-up.”

Jared looked around. “You’ll be here until two in the morning.”

I shrugged. “Your family needs you.”

He swallowed. “Lacie, sweetheart, I’ll be there in ten minutes.” He hung up. “I owe you.”

I smiled and waved him off. I shot off a quick text to my family, letting them know why I would be late, and dove into the work. At least Jared had cleaned out the hot chocolate urns when we ran out an hour before closing.

I put on my audio bible and loaded all the Christmas displays. And then returned all the summer books to the shelf.

A knock on the door had my heart hammering in my chest. I turned toward the door, phone in hand. My siblings were pressed to the window, waving like crazy people. What were Asa and Ben carrying?

I unlocked the door and let them in. “What in the world are y’all doing here?”

Ivy bounced in. “Well, we thought you could use some help.”

“And I thought, why not turn this into a Christmas in July party for us?” Asa said.

Ben grunted. “Hence the reason we lugged the TV screen from home so we could watch a Christmas movie while we worked.”

“Can we put it up here?” Ivy asked, pointing to the tea counter.

I waved my brothers in.  “The counter would be fine. Now, what movie did you bring?”

“It’s a Wonderful Life.” Ben held up the movie. “I figured it would save all of us from bickering over which cheesy movie to bring.”

I smiled.

“Well, put me to work,” Meg said, clapping her hands together. “I’m guessing the bathrooms need cleaning.”

I nodded. “Are you sure you want to do that?”

Meg shrugged. “Let’s get the worst out of the way.”

I gestured for her to follow, and we went into the back room for supplies. Ivy followed and found the bag for the fake snow. “I can put all the fake snow back into this.

Soon, the boys were busy with trash bags collecting cups and random trash as well as hauling the filled bags out of the dumpster. I listened to the movie while I finished counting out the register and put the display shelves back in order. George Baily wasn’t even married yet by the time we finished.

I turned off lights and made sure everything was secured for the night as my brothers took the TV out to the car. They were crazy for lugging it down to the store, and I loved them for it.

Even though I was exhausted when I was finally tucked into bed, I pulled out my mercies notebook and my list of things to bring joy. On the list, I added celebrate Christmas in July with my siblings and marked it off. No, it hadn’t been something I had planned on, but it was perfect.

Opening the mercies notebook, I forced my eyes open long enough to write down what was most important:

God’s mercies to me today:

My siblings

Christmas in July

 Getting to bed before two AM

Call me a prude, but I still had a hard time being in a place where everyone thought it was okay to parade around in their underwear. I don’t care what fabric it was made out of; calling it a swimsuit didn’t change the fact that it was called underwear everywhere else.

It didn’t help that I was nervous about being here. Going to a waterpark had sounded so fun when I added it to the list. When Ivy had grabbed my hand and pointed to one of the tallest slides, I doubted my sanity for adding this place to the list in the first place.

I stood in line holding my end of the two-person raft, wondering if all these half-dressed people would laugh if they knew that I was nervous about rides at a waterpark that catered to young families and children.

“I’m so glad it worked for us to get off on a weekday. Can you imagine how crazy this place is on the weekends?”

I shook my head. I had found discount tickets for a slow day of the week, but it was busy enough for there to be lines. We finally reached the top of the stairs, and we were directed to place our raft into an area and wait for the green light.

“Ready?” Ivy asked.

“Not really,” I said, honestly questioning if I had lost it for even thinking of hurling myself down so many feet. Were they sure we wouldn’t fall out?

“It’s going to be fun.” My sister smiled at me.

I took a deep breath and let out my anxiety. I had come here to have fun. If I didn’t enjoy this slide, I could ride the Lazy River for most of our time here, or try another slide. So, I didn’t approve of the swimwear most people were wearing. I didn’t have to walk around with my nose in the air. I could enjoy this experience, and stop focusing on the negative.

The light turned green.

We dropped down and I squealed. We came out into the sunlight and twisted and turned before we took a final dip and slid out into the pool. Laughing, I scrambled out and stood next to Ivy, soaked.

“That was so much fun!” Ivy said. “Let’s go again!”

I nodded and moved to get back in line. I had enjoyed it. It had been fun. I was glad I had put this on our list.

Meg sat with her salad while I’ve and I chowed down on my chicken strip baskets. “So, what has been your favorite ride or slide so far?”

I swished my chicken in the ranch dip. “I think the first slide Ivy picked or the Lazy River. I enjoy both of those.”

“Oh! I like the really big slide.”

I shuddered. That one had lasted too long for me, and I hadn’t liked how long you were in the dark.

“The wave pool is my favorite,” Meg said. “Oh, and the Lazy River.”

“We should come again,” Ivy said.

I smiled. “As much as I’ve enjoyed today, I’m not sure I want to come back soon. I think one day a year is enough fun for me.”

“Want to go on the slide again?” Ivy asked as she finished the last of her fires.

“As soon as I finish this.” I lifted the basket with the last third of my meal.

While I had enjoyed my day of fun, being back at the quiet bookstore with everyone fully dressed was nice. Even when the Peterson family had come with their very loud kids, it was still nicer than the bratty kids I had heard at the park yesterday. And yet, I hoped to return the next year with Ivy and Meg if they wanted to go.

I glanced around the store. There weren’t any customers, and everything was all neat and clean, so I pulled out my current read. A book Molly had told me she loved, Love, Mary Elisabeth. So far, I was enjoying this precious, epistolary novel written for a younger audience.

I had read quite a few pages when the door opened. I woman I hadn’t seen before entered. I set aside the book and put on my professional smile. “Welcome to My Weekend is Booked to a Tea. Can I help you find anything?”

The middle-aged woman turned toward me with her brown eyes. “Yes, I’m looking for a book my sister recommended to me. I’m here on vacation and thought I would like to read it.”

“Do you know the title?” I asked. I was used to having to help customers find books with little bits of information.

The woman gave the title of a popular book we didn’t stock.

I nodded. “I’m sorry, we don’t have that. But maybe I can help you find something you would like just as much?”

She didn’t seem enthusiastic, but she allowed me to lead her to a shelf toward the back of the store we kept for customers such as these. While we stocked mostly Christian fiction and non-fiction, we had a shelf of books that were clean fiction with attractive covers to try to give some readers what they wanted without compromising Lacie and Jarad’s standards.

“You might like one of these.” I pointed. I pulled a book with an illustrated cover. “A couple of people who liked the book you mentioned also enjoyed this one. It has the same feel of a girl's challenge advice, but with some unique twists.” I held out the book to the woman.

She looked at the book, then at me. “I couldn’t help but notice that this was a Christian bookstore.”

I braced myself for the belligerence that usually followed those words. “We are. We try to carry some books like these that are clean, but for a general audience like this book, but most of what we carry is Christian.”

The woman looked around. “I used to read a lot, but when I got saved a couple of years ago, I gave up all the books I’ve collected. I’ve been trying to stay connected with my sister, who also likes to read, but it’s hard. Is there a lot of good Christian fiction out there?

I nodded. “Over half the books we carry are fiction, and almost all of those are Christian.

A smile broke over the woman’s face. “Really? You’ve just made my day. I’ve missed reading, but I thought Christians only wrote non-fiction.”

I beamed. “Well, let me introduce you to a fun new world of books.”

Sometimes, I really loved my job.

Mercies this week:

A fun day at the water park

Getting to introduce a woman to Christian fiction

A job I love

I finished putting the last touch on the July display. I smiled at the new prints and stickers with Jane Austen quotes we had from Pace, as well as the beautiful editions of Jane Austen’s work. This took up about half of the front part of the welcoming display. The other half was Louise May Alcott's books.

I fingered the beautiful new edition of Garland for Girls. I smiled, thinking of the vintage copy I had pulled out to read.

“Thank you for all your extra help,” Jared said. “I got it from here.”

I nodded, dusting off my hands. “You know I enjoy setting up the display. And Lacie leaves such good instructions, I know I can please her.”

Jared nodded. “My wife is suffering in this heat. Summer is apparently a horrible time to be majorly pregnant.”

I nodded like I had a clue. “I’m guessing since both of you are from further north, the summer heat in Texas is especially brutal.”

Jared shrugged. “I don’t think either of us minded. Texas has been a good decision for us. I miss the Christmas tree farm I used to work for. We miss being close to family, but the church and all the opportunities God provided for us here have been amazing. I think the heat is just harder to deal with when you're pregnant.”

Again, I nodded and looked toward the window. Would I ever know what it was like to carry a child within me? Would I ever know what it was like to be married?

I let out a long breath. I hadn’t thought much about Evan, but his face and his kindness came to me. I swallowed. Maybe I should tell Joan about it someday. But I already had something I wanted to discuss with her at our meeting.

 

Joan smiled as I told her about my birthday and all the fun I had. “It sounds wonderful.”

“It was.” I swallowed and took the plunge. “Joan, I’m struggling. I keep feeling like every time things are going well, that is the time to worry because the other shoe is about to drop. I thought things were getting better with Jessie, and then our friendship ended. I was feeling hopeful, and my dad moved out. No, after a very nice week, I’m just wondering when the next bad thing will happen.”

Joan nodded and leaned back in her chair. She took a sip of her iced tea and steadied me for a moment. “How often do we have storms in this area?”

I cocked my head. “Ummm… depends on the season.”

“Okay, how do we have them in December?”

I thought back over my life. “I don’t know. I guess it depends on the year.”

Joan smiled.  “So, you can’t always predict storms, but you can always know one is bound to pop up given enough time.”

Ah, now I understand. “So, what you’re saying is that bad times are investable.” How depressing.

“Indeed, they are, as long as we live in this broken world. However, we have to temper that knowledge with truths that are even more important. What do you think those might be?”

Well, this was irritatingly easy. “Don’t worry about tomorrow, for each day has enough trouble of its own.”

She laughed. “Oh, Pam, that truth is good news, not something nasty to be swallowed.”

I couldn’t help but laugh with her. “But it’s hard not to worry.”

“And worry makes life hard to bear. Choose your hard, Pam.”

Well, didn’t that cut right to the heart of things?

Joan reached across the table. “Jesus said that in this world we would have trouble. It’s a promise that you might not see embroidered on pillows, or painted on wooden signs, but it is beautiful when paired with what He said after.”

“But take heart, I have overcome the world,” I said. Somehow, saying the words actually did feel good and brought some measure of comfort.

“Life will be heard. Prepare for the storms by making sure your heart is ready, like a ship on the sea. Those storms will be heard, but you won’t be along,e and you can hold to the truth that is greater than the storm.”

I took a long sip of tea, knowing this was a lesson that would be harder to put into practice than it would be to listen to it. “Joan, you should write a book about your wisdom.”

She laughed. “No, I don’t have the skill to do that. Besides, I haven’t been called to write out advice on paper; I’ve been called to write advice and words into people’s lives by getting into the trenches with them. Anyone can write a book to tell people what they should or shouldn’t do, but we need more people willing to live life in community and write on people’s lives.”

Tears stung my eyes. “That’s what I want to do, Joan. I feel so broken right now and like nothing will ever be right. I want to take all this pain and help someone else with it someday.”

Joan reached out her hand. “He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God. You are going to help others in the future, Pam. You’re going to be able to comfort people in similar situations and point them to Jesus.”

Tears flowed. The thought of being the strong one, the one with hope to offer instead of the one clinging to someone else for comfort sounded amazing, and yet, it also sounded so far from where I was.

When I left my meeting with Joan, I went to the store and bought a citrus candle. It was a simple thing from my joy list, but I enjoyed picking out the candle. I lit it and pulled out my mercy’s notebook,

This week’s mercy: The knowledge that God is going to use my broken pieces to comfort someone else someday. 

It has been far too long between updates, hasn't it? I honestly think one of the hardest things about maintaining this blog is wanting to share everything with my readers, but having to be sensitive to the fact that there are a lot of things that aren't appropriate to share online. I'm not going to lie, in the last year, my family of origin has been going through some tough stuff, but it isn't the kind of stuff you can share with on the interent. While I have always wanted my life to be an open book before people, I know that I have to be cearful of the feelings and expriances of others. 

Honestly, the last few months have been a stressful as wonderful time. Wonderful because God has sustained our little one. After three losses, we grow more and more hopeful each day that we will hold this little one in our arms and get to see them grow up.

It's been hard because I've had to walk through a difficult season with my family. One that has required a lot of patience, forgiveness, grace, and wisdom. I often see my sinful nature coming up, and it has made me run to Jesus for strength, wisdom, and, yes, a lot of confession and repentance. 

Hey friends!

Thank you so much for your patience (and eagerness) for this next episode. This week, I'm going to post three episodes to catch us up. I also plan to share a little update tomorrow about our little one. Thank you so much for your support! Y'all are the best.

I glanced around my room, satisfied I was leaving everything tidy and ready for me that evening. Grabbing my purse, I turned off the light. Off for another day of work.

I smiled. Today was my birthday. Last year, Lacie and Jared had let me have any book I wanted and a gift item for my birthday. Of course, they might not do that again, but it would be fun if they did.

I reached the door, and all my siblings stood in front of it. I blinked. “Good morning.”

Asa crossed his arms. “Where do you think you’re going?”

I looked at each of my serious-faced siblings. “To work, where all of us need to be unless you all got laid off.”

Meg tisked and stepped forward. “Don’t you know it’s your birthday?”

I raised a brow. “I did indeed. And the sooner I get to work, the sooner I can come home to celebrate.”

A wide smile appeared on Ivy’s face. “Oh, you won’t be going to work today. We arranged everything.”

Mom came into the entryway, carrying a gift bag. “We are kidnapping you for the day.”

I looked at my siblings. “But don’t all of you have jobs?”

“We all took off the day,” Ben said.

I looked at each of their faces, and my heart squeezed. “You did what?”

Ivy nodded. “We all took off , and we are going to take you to that aquarium you wanted to go to.”

My eyes widened. “But that is a long drive.”

“Then we better get going!” Ben said.

When we pulled up to the aquarium, I felt like I was a kid again. I jumped out of the car and ran straight to the dolphin statue waiting for us in the front. I had wanted to come see this aquarium for so long. Ivy and Meg joined me, and we snapped a photo. We laughed as my eyes snagged on a person.

“Dad!”

He stood there smiling at all of us.

I ran into his arms and was crying.

“Happy birthday, Pam.” He said into my hair.

“We had to all be together on your birthday,” Asa said.

“All of us,” Ivy said.

I gripped my father tightly and tried to wipe my tears on his shirt, but it was no use; the rest of my family would see.

“Come on. We came here for the aquarium, didn’t we?” my mother asked with a sad sort of smile.

I nodded. I took a deep breath. Of course, things would be strained between Mom and Dad. I needed to accept that. But it wouldn’t keep me from being grateful that they were all here today.

My whole family - together. A laugh and a sob tangled together,r and I put my hands to my mouth.

I took a step toward the door and thanked God for this moment, for this day.

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you,” my siblings sang, and I felt like bursting into tears. We were sitting in the restaurant inside the aquarium, surrounded by amazing tanks of fish. Asa had insisted he was taking all of us to dinner at the restaurant inside the aquarium.

I looked at the faces around the table and wanted to grab this moment and put it in my pocket. I had so much. I had loved every moment at the aquarium. I had sat for so long in front of each display, basking in the beauty of all the fish, and everyone had indulged me. My parents’ interactions were strained, but I respected them so much for doing this for me and our family when it wasn’t easy.

“Blow out the candle!” Asa shouted.

I laughed and took a deep breath, and blew out the candle on the cheesecake like I was turning five.

Everyone clapped, and Meg handed me a fork.

“Wait,” Ivy said, handing me a bag with the aquarium logo on it. “This is from all of us.”

I took the bag, but I already knew what was inside. I had teased about getting the super soft, stuffed sealion, but there was no way I was spending the money to get it. Sure enough, my siblings had gone back and bought it.

Mom handed me an envelope. Inside, I found a paper promising a lunch with just the two of us at my favorite Mexican food place.

My dad handed me another bag from the aquarium store, and I found one of the beautiful sand dollar pendants inside.

I looked up at the tank that surrounded us and back at each of the precious faces around me.

I had no idea how I was going to wrap this moment, this day, into the mercy notebook, but I would try.

This week's mercy: A day I can hold on to, no matter what, and thank God for such precious memories and family. A day that felt a lot like hope.